Silence is sometimes louder than words,.. And this present silence is deafening..
I hear it , it is clear and I understand it…there is almost not more to say. But to leave it all to the notion of silence will be inconclusive and the likelihood of fallacy and misrepresentation can not be ruled out.
I could afford to continue indulging in the golden silence… and unhesitatingly continue the forward motion… But I don’t want to – in the guise of self pride and preservation discount what was very dear and special to me. It is at least worth a looking back.
And that is what I am doing today. Looking back may be weak…, but I am not afraid to be weak because that in itself is strength. I made the move to talk today because Words are affirmative… I do not want to indulge in the luxury of the open-endedness that silence provides.
I want to talk.
I have asked myself since the moment I made that call – what exactly I want to talk about?
Have I made a decision? And what is it?
What is the true intent/motive behind this move?
What do I expect to be the outcome of this talk?
My ponderings sicken me. .. like an arrow in the heart and butterflies in my stomach. The combination of these two is not at all a nice feeling.
Anyway, Time is fast drawing near.. I would face one of my fears… Never contemplated this happening… not in the least so soon.
